Country Kitties
by xXxCici-chanxXx
Summary: The Akatsuki are turned into kittens and show up on a small farm at the base of the Smokey Mountains with a young woman and her two dogs. Madness ensues.
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

Okay, for starters, this is a fanfic that was written primarily for comedic effect, so do not expect for all of the characters to be in character all of the time, although I will do my best. There may be romance in later chapters if readers show a desire for it, and there WILL be strong language used in this fanfic, you have been warned. Now, most importantly, enjoy.

* * *

Chapter 1

Kisame slowly opened his eyes, groaning in pain, "Ugh, what happened?" he placed a hand to his head, brow knitting together in confusion at the unfamiliar sensation, "What the-" he pulled his hand back to examine it, finding large grayish blue paw was where his hand should have been. Kisame's eyes widened. He turned his head to see the rest of his body, and his suspicions were confirmed. He had been turned into a kitten. Kisame did what any reasonable man who had just found out they'd been turned into a kitten would have done. He screamed… loudly.

"Keep it down, Kisame." a small black kitten growled, sleepily.

"Itachi?!" Kisame shouted, running over to the other kitten. "Itachi, is that you?"

"Who else would it be?" Itachi asked, sitting up, taking a moment to observe Kisame, "What happened?" he growled, upon realizing what had happened to them.

"I don't know." Kisame looked down, "Last thing I remember we were trying to extract the one-tails from that sand-kid and then those leaf-brats showed up…" Kisame's ears twitched trying to remember, "Then… nothing."

Itachi's tail twitched, as thunder was heard in the distance, almost mimicking the kitten's anger.

"It's going to storm soon, we should find shelter." Kisame suggested.

"Hn." Itachi nodded in agreement.

* * *

Lighting cracked across the pitch black sky, letting loose a deafening boom as it struck an old oak tree a stone's throw away from a dimly lit cabin. The warm glow of the fireplace and few stray candles were the only light in the small home. A young woman by the name of Sunni sat in a nest of pillows and blankets in the middle of the living room, curled up next to two rottweilers. Her short mousey brown hair was sticking up in odd angles.

She glanced at the clock on the wall that read 3 o'clock before yawning, "Well, boys" she stood up and stretched, "are ya ready to try 'n sleep again?" she asked the dogs, hands on her hips. They barked happily, butts wagging, earning a small laugh from the woman. "I'll take 'at as a 'yes'." She chuckled, gathering up her bedding and tossing it on her bed before returning to the living room to put out the fire and candles. Lightening struck again, lighting up the living room, "Cleanin' up after this storm tomorrow is gunna be fun." She sighed, walking back to her bedroom in an attempt to get a decent night's sleep.

Sunni awoke the next morning to the sound of a rooster crowing outside her window. "Good to know that Rex is still alive and kickin'." She muttered into the pillow, cursing the rooster. She slowly got out of bed and stretched, "Ya ready to go check out the damages?" She asked Zeus, the younger of the rottweilers. He barked in response and took off toward the door. Sunni smirked, "Hold your horses, let me get ready first." She laughed, shrugging off her night clothes and pulling on her overalls, boots, and a tank top before hurriedly brushing her teeth and heading out the door. Atlas, the older of the rottweilers followed her closely, while Zeus scouted a bit up ahead of them, shaking her head at the 50 year old oak that had been struck down by lightening the previous night, "That was one of my favorite trees too." She muttered, almost regretting that it'd have to be made into firewood now.

Sunni went about her normal chores, checking damages along the way. She'd made her way through the goats, chickens, cows, and horses without much trouble. Satisfied with her work she turned to head back to the house when she heard a small meowing coming from the haystack. Confused she approached the haystack, finding two kittens, no more than 6 weeks old curled up next to each other fast asleep. "Poor babies." She cooed, reaching out and petting one, "they probably got lost in the storm." She reasoned aloud, looking them over. The large gray one opened one eye sleepily, "Good morning handsome." Sunni grinned.

She scooped the gray kitten up, who meowed in protest. "Oh calm down, hunny," Sunni scratched behind his ear, instantly silencing him as he leaned in against her hand instinctively. "I'll let you and your brother stay here, but ya'll gotta earn your keep. Got it?" Sunni asked the now purring kitten. She giggled, "Good, I've been needing a good mouser for a while now." She said, scooping up the other kitten. "Come on boys!" Sunny hollered over her shoulder as the rottweilers trotted up next to her. They barked happily as they followed her back to the house.

Once Sunni closed the door she turned to Atlas and Zeus and showed them the kittens in her hands, "Now boys, these are _mine_ got that? I will tolerate _no_ fighting. They'll be outside cats once they're big enough so I just need you to get along until then, got it?" She explained, setting the kittens on the couch before heading into the kitchen.

* * *

"Itachi." Kisame began once Sunni was gone. "What the hell just happened?"

"It would appear we've just been adopted." He answered monotonously.

"NEW THING! HI!" Zeus barked, putting his head on the couch, causing an involuntary hiss from the kittens. "WHY HISSING? ZEUS JUST WANT BE FRIENDS!" he tilted his head to one side.

"Zeus!" Atlas growled pulling him back by the collar, "Momma said not to touch them, do you remember what happened last time you didn't do what Momma said?"

Zeus whined, and lowered his head, "But, Zeus just want to be friends..." he laid down on the rug and pouted.

"Sorry about my brother, young ones." Atlas turned to the kittens, standing proud and straight "He has a tendency to get a little overzealous at times."

Kisame and Itachi just stared at the large dog in disbelief, "Holy shit! You can talk!" Kisame blurted out .

Atlas looked annoyed, "Yes, as can you. How did one so young come to have such a vocabulary?"

"I'm not as young as I look." Kisame hissed.

Atlas tilted his head to the side slightly, "Regardless, allow me to introduce myself. I am Atlas, and this." He nodded toward the still pouting dog, "Is my brother, Zeus. What are your names, young ones?"

"Our names are of no consequence, as we will not be staying here long." Itachi answered haughtily.

"Why not? She feeds us, we have a warm place to sleep, and she loves us. It's paradise here. Why would you ever want to leave?" he whined lightly.

"Because we are not pets." Itachi's ear twitched, "We need to find a way to change back into humans."

"HUMANS?!" Zeus jumped back up looking at the two, "ZEUS KNOWS HOW DO THAT!" he panted happily.

"What are you going on about now?" Atlas asked, snorting at Zeus.

"THE NICE SMELLING GYPSY LADY THAT MOMMY IS FRIENDS WITH CAN DO THAT!" he barked excitedly.

"Oh yeah." Atlas nodded, "The gypsy lady, she's always had a strange energy around her, she could probably help you." Atlas gave them a doggy grin.

"When will she be here?" Kisame asked.

"DON'T KNOW. GYPSY SHOW UP AT RANDOM." Zeus barked "TRAVEL LIKE GYPSY! YES!" Zeus laughed at his own joke.

Kisame and Itachi looked at Zeus and then back to Atlas and raised an eyebrow. Atlas sighed, "He's adopted."

The two kittens nodded in understanding and sympathy.


	2. Chapter 2

"Alrighty boys! I got a surprise for you." Sunni said excitedly, walking into the living room, "I just got off the phone with Auntie Rayna and she's coming over tonight." She grinned, "You know what that means don't you?" The two dogs barked excitedly, "Yup, that means ya'll get to have a play date with Jack-Jack."

"YAY JACK-JACK IS FRIEND!" Zeus barked excited "OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY!" he started running in circles.

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP!?" Kisame yelled, placing a paw to his head, "You're giving me a headache.

"SORRY" Zeus stopped running in circles, "JACK-JACK IS FRIEND."

"Yeah, I got that." Kisame growled.

"Who's Rayna?" Itachi asked simply.

"RAYNA IS GYPSY LADY! SHE BRING JACK-JACK WITH HER, OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY!" Zeus barked, waging his stump of a tail, excitedly.

Sunni giggled at the display, before turning to the kittens, "And as for you two." She pointed a finger at the kittens, "I know you're gunna hate it, but it's mandatory for all inside animals to be clean, so I'm going to have to bathe you."

The kittens stared at her like she'd grown a second head, "Who bathes a cat?" Kisame asked perplexed.

"Something tells me you'd be surprised." Itachi replied not batting a lash.

"Alright, now who's first?" Sunni asked, hands on hips.

Kisame chuckled, "Yeah, like we're just going to volunteer. Neh, Itachi?" Kisame glanced to where his partner was sitting only seconds before, only to discover he'd been abandoned.

"Looks like we got us a volunteer, huh, handsome?" Sunni grinned, scooping him up before he'd had the chance to react.

Kisame started to protest when he looked up and realized he had a perfect view of the underside of Sunni's boobs. He purred contentedly. "Hey Itachi! You don't know what you're missing out on, man!" he called as Sunni carried him to the bathroom.

"Oh quit yer belly achin'" Sunni scolded as she turned on the water, making sure it wasn't too warm or too cold. Once she was satisfied with the temperature she gently put Kisame down into the shoulder deep water. "See? It's not so bad." Sunni said reassuringly. Much to Sunni's surprise the kitten splashed, played, and generally just loved the water, "What a strange creature, you are." She commented, smirking, as she grabbed the shampoo and began working it into his fur.

Kisame sighed happily, "Man, this is the life." He purred.

"You sure are a happy little fella ain't ya?" Sunni laughed at him, working in the last of the soap. "Well I'm sorry to say, but playtime's over." She said rinsing him thoroughly, before picking him up and wrapping him in a large fluffy white towel. She dried him off as best she could with the towel, "Now go play, I have to give your brother a bath too, before Rayna gets here." She said, giving him a kiss on the head before putting him back on the floor.

Kisame sat in the floor and stared at her, meowing once.

Sunni shook her head at him, smiling, "You really are a strange one. You know that?" she stood up, walking out the door, followed closely by Kisame.

"Now where did your brother go?" she asked, studying the room. After twenty minutes of searching she plopped down on the couch, "You win! I give up!" she called exhaustedly.

Noticing a pair of glowing eyes from one of her house plans she sat up. "You devious little fucker." She paused, "Well played, sir… Well played." She complimented, laying back down just before the doorbell rang.

Atlas and Zeus went ballistic, "PERSON! PERSON! THERES A PERSON AT THE DOOR! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! THERES A PERSON AT THE DOOR!" they both cried, circling in front of the door.

"SHUDDUP!" Sunni growled, angry that her resting was cut short.

"Well if you really feel that way then I'll just leave." A voice came from the doorway.

Sunny looked up to see a woman in her mid-to-late-twenties with long dark red hair past her hips and emerald green eyes dressed in full gypsy wear. "My Bitch!" Sunny yelled, jumping up the couch and going over to hug the woman.

"My Slut!" The woman answered, returning the hug.

They both laughed for a moment, unaware of the strange looks the two kittens were giving them, "Wow, Rayna, you look great, it's been forever since I've seen you." Sunni complimented.

Rayna laughed, "Thanks, yeah it has been a while, but you know how it is, work and stuff." She waved it off.

Atlas and Zeus sat at Rayna's feet whining, causing the girls to look down at them, "What is it?" Rayna asked. They whined in response, shifting their weight continuously. "Jack-jack is outside." She said opening the door, "Go play." She ordered.

Sunni laughed a bit at the exchange, "They've missed their Jack-jack." She commented.

"I can tell." She smirked.

"So what do you think of the new comers?" Sunni asked, gesturing to the kittens who had taken over the armchair.

Rayna froze in her tracks when she saw them, eyebrow's knit together in confusion.

"Rayna?" Sunni questioned, "What's wrong?"

Rayna shook her head lightly, "Nothing… something just feels…. Off." She answered walking toward them, pausing right before she got to them, "May I?"

"Hey if it helps you sleep at night, knock yourself out." Sunni said, plopping back down on the couch.

Rayna held out her hand in front of Itachi, and gently pushed her aura toward him. The instant her aura touched him his eyes turned red and her world melted to one of red and black.

Rayna looked around; the ground was blood red, with black silhouettes of trees in the distance, and a fiery red sun overhead. Directly in front of her stood a man with long black hair pulled back in a low pony tail, bangs partially hiding his ruby eyes. He wore a black "v" neck t-shirt, that showed off the the muscle definition in his neck and shoulders, like something you'd see with military personnel.

Rayna closed her mouth, wondering how long she'd been staring at him slack-jawed like a hormone crazed teenager. "Sorry about that." She coughed, cheeks stained red. "But, who exactly are you."

"Itachi Uchiha." He replied smirking slightly, "and you are Rayna, are you not?"

Rayna nodded, dumbfounded, "What are you, exactly?"

"I am a ninja." He answered honestly.

"Please!" Rayna laughed, "Ninjas haven't been around in hundreds of years."

"And yet here I am." He answered, voice devoid of any emotion

"Damn." She commented, "And what do you want with me."

"We need your help." He admitted.

"And trapping me here in this world is your way of asking for help?" Rayna challenged, her voice dangerous.

Itachi smirked slightly, "By extending your chakra to me, you allowed me to bring you here."

"I did no such thing!" she denied.

"My sharingan was dormant until you did so." He countered.

"Sharingan?" Rayna mused aloud, before looking at his eyes, then it clicked. His eyes turned red once she reached out to him. "Oh." She muttered, hanging her head.

"As I was saying earlier, Kisame and I need your help to turn back into humans."

Rayna rose an eyebrow at him, "You're serious?"

Itachi simply looked at her.

"Oh shit you are." Rayna slammed her hand up to her forehead, "I'm not sure I have that kind of skill, that's high level magick you're talking about there. How did you even end up like this in the first place?"

"We don't know." Itachi answered simply.

"Aww hell, you're a lot of help." Rayna growled, "Take us back so I can get started on a spell to fix this mess."

"hn." Itachi answered, dropping the genjutsu.

Rayna opened her eyes and she was staring at the fuzzy little black cat again, arm still outstretched. She growled turning on Sunni, "You are a dumbass, you know that?"

Sunni didn't move from her spot on the couch, glancing at her, "why do ya say that for?" she asked.

"These kittens you picked up, are humans! And not just any humans either, they're fucking NINJA!" she ranted.

Sunni rolled over on her stomach, "Rayna, hunny, I think you've been hitting the sauce a bit hard lately, just listen to yourself."

Rayna growled, "Fine, I'll prove it to you." She stormed out the door, marching the short distance to the herb garden, "Let's see, sage for clarity." She said grabbing a bundle and setting it to the side, "Yucca, for transmutation." She muttered, "and just a bit of catnip outta do the trick." She snapped off two springs and put them with the rest of her supplies, "Now how to combine these together."

Two hours later Rayna stumbled in, exhausted, "I did it." She said triumphantly, wondering into the living room, "Cats, get your asses over here if you want to change back." She ordered tiredly. Not a second later both cats were sitting in front of her.

Sunni watched the exchange curiously.

Rayna pulled out two necklaces from her pocket, each had one small pouch attached to it. "Do not open the pouch." She warned, "and the spell will only work so long as you wear the necklace, this should do until I can find a permanent situation." She said, putting the necklaces on them.

Sunni's eyes widened at what she saw and heard next, their forms doubled over, the disturbing crunching of bones was heard as their skeletons broke apart and reformed. Muscle ripped and popped under skin as it stretched, rearranged, and struggled to find its right place again. Fur retreated into the skin, leaving behind two very naked men.

Sunni looked seriously at Rayna, "I will never doubt your judgment again." She promised.

"Yes you will." She responded, looking over her handiwork, "I'm actually very surprised that worked so well, I half expected them to have cat ears or something.

Sunni suddenly became very aware of the fact that there were two naked men in her house, "Umm, I'm gunna go find some clothes for them." Her face burned bright red as she made her way to her bedroom.


End file.
